Now, this might not be an issue that is important to a lot of people. Or maybe it’s important to more people then those who care to admit it. Some of you might be more then happy to give up any form of a social life or friends when you’re pregnant and even once you’ve had your baby. Being social might not even come into your thought process. That’s fine, and more power to you. But my social life and my friends and feeling like the ‘normal’ me is important to me. And at the moment, I’ll take any form of normal me that I can get. I am a 28 year old woman and I like to have fun and enjoy myself, I enjoy a glass of champagne or wine (and I miss it!), I love wearing high heels and getting dolled up (oh how I miss these too), and I’m not going to apologise for any of that. And as much as I love this baby growing inside of me and as much as I am excited about being a mum and as much as I know that obviously my life will never be the same as my pre mum days, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to be ‘me’ as well as be someone’s mum.
When you’re pregnant, particularly with your first baby, you might find yourself drifting away from some of your friends. Especially if they are not pregnant, aren’t looking to become pregnant in the near future or they don’t already have kids. It’s nobody’s fault, but it does hurt a little bit. It’s just unfortunately something that happens and it’s one more reminder of how quickly and dramatically your life is changing. Once you’re pregnant your lifestyle instantly changes. You can no longer join your girlfriends for big nights out, you can’t go for cocktails on a Sunday afternoon, and the thought of going out for lunch or dinner might be enough to make you want to burst into tears, and then vomit. This puts a massive dampener on any form of social life you may have once had, and it can be very upsetting.
You might end up feeling boring and even like you’re cut off from the world to a degree, like everyone around you is out having fun and you’re not having any. Couple this with your new found hormones and you have a recipe for a major ‘woe is me’ session accompanied by an overflow of tears that you’ve become so used to lately. I know I’ve shed quite a few tears because I’ve felt like that. I’ve often become overwhelmed with the feeling that I never get to have any fun anymore and that my life is suddenly over (again, thank you hormones for this irrational and insane train of thought, and yes I am aware of how pathetic I sound). At the moment I feel like I spend my days either at work or at home feeling sick and with no energy to do anything. When you feel like this it’s hard to hear about the fun nights out your best friend is still having without you, or the (several) beers your partner had with his mates at the pub, or even the amazing camping trip your friends have had complete with jet skiing and horse rides. You might feel like you’re ‘missing out’, and understandably so.
Since being pregnant I think I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve gotten to put on some nice make up, do my hair all pretty and get dressed up in something other then my stretchy track pants. It’s no one’s fault, it just comes down to the fact that no, I can’t go out drinking and I definitely don’t want to be a sober pregnant woman in a pub getting pushed & shoved all over the place. And no, I can’t go out for dinner because the only thing I can stomach right now is a bread roll while laying in a ball on the lounge. Being social can be very difficult while your pregnant, especially if you feel like crap all the time and have the energy of a sloth.
If you have really great friends, you’ll find they’re more then happy to sometimes do something that you can actually do, even if that means just coffee & cake once a month on a day that you actually feel slightly human (mmm cake..). If you get the opportunity, do it. Don’t decline because you think you’ll be tired, or it might be raining or the only pants that fit you are in the wash. Make yourself to go. You’ll probably find that once you’ve got some nice clothes on and you’re in the real world that exists outside your lounge room, talking to your friends you might actually forget about being miserable pregnant, and enjoy yourself. Sometimes it’s really nice not to talk, think and breathe pregnancy and baby stuff. Even if it is just for an hour. .
If you seem to be lacking in friends who are willing to give up clubbing for a night to spend time with you, then try and make some new friends. If you’re far enough along in your pregnancy, you might have started birthing classes. Suss the other couples out and see if you get on with any of them enough to socialise with. Don’t be shy, chances are the girl on the other side of the room is wondering the same thing. You can also try online forums or even Facebook groups. I’ll put money on there being a fair amount of women in your position who would love a new pregnant friend or two to bond with. I know that I’m hoping to find some new friends who are in the same position as me, and that’s not because I don’t love my old friends anymore, because I do. But I need a different type of friendship now as well as what I used to have. I need mummy friends who I don’t have to explain things to, I need mummy friends who just get it.
It’s guess it’s easy to be made to feel guilty for wanting to maintain some form of social life during pregnancy and once you’re a mum. It’s almost like it’s just expected that once you’re pregnant and once you’re a mum that is the only thing that you’ll ever want to be again. This may be the case for many mums out there, and like I said that’s more then fine. And once I actually have this baby my attitude could change dramatically. But right now, I want to hold on to at least parts of who I am, after all that’s all I’ve ever known for the last 28 years and I’m not so keen to completely give that up.
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